Not enough

I’ve always been a hard worker said yes to extra shifts or stayed to cover a call off. No matter the job I put 110% into it even if i don’t like the job. Between the 2 jobs I have now I nearly kill myself because between both of the jobs I’m working sunup to sundown, neither of the employers really give a shit about my life or Health because they  never let me rest enough to keep busting my ass like I do. Granted Security isn’t a physical job but sitting and standing for long periods of time is tiring you have to force yourself to stay away walk around when all you want to do is sleep.

Nothing I’m not use to because that’s the kind of person I am, I’m work myself almost to death just so the shift doesn’t go uncovered or to save someone else from killing themselves because they have a family. I have no one here, no kids, no girl friend or even friends for that matter. My life in Indiana is Work Work Work with very little R&R time for myself

Working for the Boss Man/ Landlord is harder then I thought, He always changes his mind say’s one thing does another thing. Is never happy with anyone even if they manage to do something right and not screw up. I’ve done everything to please this man, I’ve changed my work availability to accommodate his hours keep me at home so I can be his bitch pretty much what it comes down to. He cares about himself doesn’t give a damn  about your feelings or how you feel as long as his shit gets done he’ll be some what happy.

Why Is it so hard? Well because pretty much my whole life I’ve been told I’m not good enough I’ll never be good enough or do enough because I’m a stupid idiot that fucks everything up I can’t do anything right I don’t listen I don’t think… I’ve heard just about every insult there is.

Don’t care how strong you are a person can only take some much mental abuse before they either (A) Snap the fuck out or (B) Shutdown become a robot taking it day by day before you reach the breaking point.

I always try to make everyone else happy, often putting my own needs and health on the line, doesn’t matter when you have a death wish anyway.

I can feel myself beginning to shut down, starting to not care about anything anymore whatever happens happens because when it comes down to it NO ONE is going to take care of me and NO ONE really cares. That’s the sad truth, NO ONE really cares about anyone


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