We all Fall some fall harder than others, The fall is about picking yourself up. I’ve fallen a few times in this life and every time I fell I woke up a different personal mentally.
The other night I was pushed over the edge and went from having the thoughts to acting on the thoughts. I’m not proud admitting it but I held a knife to my wrist for hours, I had it pressed against my veins all I had to do was move my arm or slice. The whole time I was holding the knife in my hand looking down at my wrist losing my mind I couldn’t control my thoughts or emotions.
I ended up drinking very heavily after I couldn’t go thru with slicing my wrist, last thing I can remember before blacking out was laying on the floor losing my shit begging to not make it thru the night screaming that I was done, I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m tired of fighting these battles I can’t talk about because no one really understands or gets it.
I woke up in my bed to the phone ringing, the boss man/Landlord wanted me to do some stuff before cleaning rooms. Did what he wanted I was fine until I saw her walking to the front door, I could feel my body starting to shaking i was getting warm like i was going to be sick or just losing my shit so I ran out the back door and hid as I lost my shit again.
Before they found me I cleaned myself up put on the half fake happy face and went to work, I tried to talk to her but I couldn’t every time i got close to her or in a room I froze up. She saw my wrist wrapped everyone saw it no one ever said anything.
While I was cleaning rooms my ex was texting me checking on me making sure I was still alive because I sent her an alarming text late at night. My cry for help… She didn’t respond until morning but she still responded and talked to me thru most of the morning helped open my eye’s to the situation I’ve put myself in with this girl I’ve fallen for and it’s a very complicated situation.